Telecom more like Teletubbies!

XT, Huh? Does that stand for "Xtra Terrible"?

Telecoms mobile woes continue into a third day. Unbelievable, really when you think that Telecom is home to half of NZ's mobile base. This has certainly made Telecom look like a childrens television show rather than a cutting edge service provider. However the thing is is that its Technology. With a capital T. I give it a capital T because it's a "thing" in its own right. And like all things, fallible.

It always amuses me when people get shitty about their flight being delayed because of bad weather. You know. I'm sure most of you have stood by some anxious traveler mouthing of at Air New Zealand et al for ruining their plans by being late. And quite often it's due to weather. As if Pacific Blue can control windspeed and rainfall.

What these people don't seem to realise is that flying is not exactly natural! For example: a Boeing 737, when full loaded, weighs in at around 80 tonnes. Thats 80,000kgs of metal, composites and plastics held in association and sent up into the air using physics and a crapload of power. If that doesn't boggle the mind, think of an Airbus A380.590 Tonnes!

Just think on that for a moment. Isn't it crazy? 590 bloody tonnes!

Now, apply this to cellphones.

I'm sure that not a few of you will remember Star Trek. Remember William Shatner flicking his "communicator" out to talk to the Enterprise? This was in the 60's. 50 years later, we now have that technology. We can now transfer our images and data the same way. And they are now commonplace in society. When you contemplate this, like the flying analogy, its bloody amazing! But even Kirks communicator didn't work all the time (a fact that James Doohan, playing "Scotty" is forever thankful for).

Now I'm not apologising for Telecom's performance. It has been shabby, dreadful and, at worst, perhaps negligent. Engineering may have been incomplete, network maintenance - dour and project planning perhaps poor.  But the fact still stands. It's Technology with a capital "T". It's new and made by mankind therefore fallible.

So next time you flick out out the phone and whisper into it "beam me up, Scotty", just pause for a mo and contemplate 80 tonne flying bits of steel and Star Trek in your pocket.

Isn't Technology Just Grand?

This morning, I did all the ordinary, mundane things I usually do while struggling to activate myself.

Get out of bed, shower, coffee, endure the stares and piteous wailings of my underfed cat then settle into my cheap, semi-executive chair, press the button and wait for my gateway to the world, news, issues and free penile enlargements (interestingly enough offered FREE because by some amazing chance I am the 1,000,000th person to press the letter "L" that day) to open and come spewing forth at breakneck, ADSL speed to my computer.

"Error: Couldn't connect".

Thats all it said.

My morning was ruined. The steady flow that is routine was stymied by those three words. I was speechless and, like a freshly landed 20lb snapper, was left sitting there with my mouth just opening and closing.

My caffeine hit had yet to take its full course, the cats meowing was penetrating my foggy mind and the pressure was starting to build. A bead of sweat broke out at the base of my hairline. I could hear the "tick, tick, tick" of the kitchen clock from down the hallway to the kitchen. Time seemed to slow and my vision started to compress.

Withdrawal was setting in.

Action was needed and judging by the rate of perspiration wending it's way down my stubbled cheek, action was needed soon lest the cats wailing inflicted torture hitherto unseen since the days of the VC and their sharpened bamboo splints!

A call to Telecom was made. Usually this call is only made in desperate times as a journey through their automated telephone labyrinth is not undertaken lightly. However this was a time to be bold and as Basil King said, "be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid". And they did.

Not only was the wait for a "real" person mercifully quick - better yet, she was competent, attentive and engendered trust (no, Telecom did not give me a credit nor are they sponsoring this blog in any way.......yet) - she assured me that a technician would be on the job as soon as possible.

With that problem masterfully dealt to, there remained the problem of the router. It would need to be reconfigured. And even the word "router" itself implies defeat. And given that, short of an MIT doctorate or the Taihape School Short Course Diploma in computing certificate, would be needed to do so, I only wrestled with the thing for an hour before accepting the inevitable and calling the ISP for help.

Once again speed and competence were evident because as of 3pm, this afternoon, access to the outside world, news and cut-price canadian pharmaceuticals was restored. My blood pressure had dropped to more manageable levels and the cat now lies content on the floor after a feed to hold off starvation for another couple of days. All is right with the world.

Y'know, it's times like these when you ponder just how much computers have added to our lives. We must have been so naive back "in the day" getting round our daily lives with all the speed of a medicated snail. Especially compared to todays world with all these marvelous tools on hand to assist us.

Isn't technology just grand?